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I Don’t Want Kids And I Really Don’t See What The Issue Is

Friday, July 29, 2016


In today’s world, it almost seems mandatory to have children. As soon as you get a serious boyfriend and/or are considering marriage, your relatives are instantly making eyes at you and popping the “When are you gonna have a baby?” question. That’s the thing, though. They ask when ​are you going to have a baby like it’s just expected.

Believe it or not, the sole purpose of being a woman is more than just being able to bear children. Sorry to break it to you, relatives, but each and every day the world is becoming more modern and not every woman wants to live her adult life caring after another human being (isn’t caring for a husband enough?). The millennial generation is constantly switching up the traditions and creating our own new traditions and, yes, that includes being an adult without a baby.

I remember the moment I told my mom there’s no way I want children. Of course, she brushes it off as me just being a young adult and not really knowing what I’m talking about. Whenever I bring up the subject with older friends and family, they instantly spit out the line, “Well, when you meet your husband that’ll all change.” While I’m not completely ruling out the idea, I honestly just can’t picture myself changing my mind.

I’m not sure exactly what brought me to this ultimate decision. Maybe it’s just a combination of all the things I’ve been surrounded by in my life. I grew up with great parents who love each other and treated me well, but it seems that I’m a minority when it comes to that fact. Between parents constantly getting divorced, stress, finances, and much, much more, I finally came to the conclusion that kids just aren’t in the cards for me.

Before I go into all the reasons that kids suck I’m all set on the whole “being a mother” thing, I just want to put a disclaimer out there. I completely understand that this is a touchy subject, but just realize that this is my decision and solely my opinion. To all the mothers out there rocking their role as mommy, more power to ya!

But, I honestly don’t understand the attraction to babies. Why do people think they’re so cute? Maybe I’m just a huge asshole, but I don’t even think babies are cute or cuddly whatsoever. And is it just me or do they all look the same? Honestly, I’ve maybe seen about like four or five somewhat adorable babies in my whole life. They’re all smiley and googley then, uh, there comes a mouth full of vomit and a full diaper. Especially when babies are just born, I seriously don’t understand the attraction. To be honest, it kind of just makes me cringe. Uck.


"Maybe I’m just a huge asshole, but I don’t even think babies are cute or cuddly whatsoever. "


On top of that, just thinking about a baby crying and whining and drooling and all those other nasty bodily functions that come out of children literally makes m​e​ want to vom.

The world is a terrible place right n​ow,​ I don’t want to imagine it when I’m ready to have kids. In, I’d say, the past 10 years, I’ve seen some seriously disturbing things on the news happening across the country and even down the street from me. It’s honestly a sad fact that you can’t even take your kid to the movies without feeling a little eerie and on the lookout. Between shootings, theft, and just all-around terrible things, the world is honestly a pretty shitty place to raise a child. Not to mention, the world is already so overpopulated.

Even the things beyond what we can control like disease and sickness risk have seriously risen in just the past ten years. Now just take today’s world and multiply it by 20 and just imagine. That’s what the world you’re bringing a child into may look like. Doesn’t sound like fun to me.

Also, having a child is just too damn expensive. Considering the fact that it’s almost $3 for a freakin’ bottle of water, I’m not even sure I want to know how much it costs to raise a child. I seriously cannot even fathom all the products you need to have when you’re a mother—diapers, baby clothes, food, cribs, diapers, stroller, toys, blankets, diapers. Did I mention diapers?

"I’m not even sure I want to know how much it costs to raise a child."


Oh, and I’m still paying my own college loans, never mind starting to save for someone else’s. You think college is expensive now? Wait until 2035 when it’s time for my kid to head off to start their higher education. I’d be drowning in bills. Plus, when I was growing up, we had a couple Bratz dolls and a password diary and called it a great day. Now kids are playing with iPads, iPhones, and expensive gaming systems. Talk about draining your bank account (that’s probably already non­-existent taking care of just yourself).

I can’t imagine having to be responsible for another human being. I can hardly manage my own life. Between juggling three jobs and trying to find time to breathe, eat, and shower (you know, life’s necessities) I can’t even fathom the thought of having to fit another human being’s needs into my day, as I hardly have time for my own. Not to mention, my bills aren’t even that serious now. I’d probably have to get a fourth job and a sugar daddy on the side to get by having a kid. I have two dogs right now and they’re just like kids in that I have to feed them and take them to the bathroom and whatnot, but you can leave them home alone and they don’t need clothes. Remind me why people have babies again? Dogs are just easier, you guys. Seriously.

The thought of having to be “perfect” all the time to set a good example, it’s exhausting. We all make mistakes, and I’d hate to have a child follow my mine. As a mother, you’re constantly teaching lessons and trying to show your child the way of life. But what if there’s something you don’t know how to handle? How do you show your child the right and wrong way? In today’s society, just looking at magazines and seeing people in the streets, you feel pressure to be perfect. I can’t imagine really having to enforce that perfection if I have a real person trying to learn from me.

"The thought of having to be “perfect” all the time to set a good example, it’s exhausting. "


In all honestly, I really think I’m too selfish to raise a child. I’m sure many of you are reading this calling me selfish and I’m here to confirm that for you. You have to be pretty selfless to raise a child. Call it immaturity or whatever you want, but I want to worry about myself and my puppies and no one else. Many moms I know don’t even have time to shower, let alone go get pampered once in a while. Call me egotistical, but I love to treat myself to a new lipstick or a fancy dinner once in awhile. I love what little freedom I have right now (being a dog mom and whatnot. I still have some responsibility) and I’m not sure I ever want to give it up. Sometimes a girl needs a night of silence to herself to drink a glass of wine and watch a few episodes of S​candal, ​okay?

All in all, I think some of us women just aren’t cut out for motherhood. I don’t think that means anything is necessarily wrong ​with us, we’re just traveling down different paths in life. We’re still just as womanly, strong and brave as mothers are, just in a different sense and there’s nothing wrong with that.
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Why It’s Okay to Struggle With ‘Grandma Syndrome’ When You’re in Your 20s


Picture a “normal” twenty-one year old—finally of legal drinking age, probably in college or living alone, has the freedom to do basically whatever the hell they want. Whether they’re in a state school that literally throws ragers every night of the week or even opted out of school to explore, chances are, when you’re in your 20s, you’re probably partying at least once a week. Well, that is, unless you have “Grandma Syndrome.”

A friend of mine actually brought the concept up to me and a light bulb immediately lit up in my head. She basically described my entire life with those two words. Also in her twenties, we bonded over the idea of staying at home baking cookies, cuddling with our dogs, and watching reruns of Law & Order rather than hitting the town, drinking until our livers can’t take anymore, and having to put a bra on.

Maybe it’s because I’ve never been one to drink, but I actually don’t really enjoy interacting with people that I couldn’t care less about. I hate the idea of going to the bar and seeing people I haven’t seen since high school and pretending I give a shit about what they’re doing with their lives (harsh, I know, but we’re all thinking it, right?). I hate paying $12 for a drink when I could spend that $12 on about three pints of Ben and Jerry’s. I hate having to get dressed up in skimpy little dresses and heels when I’d rather be home on my couch—sweatpants, hair tie, chillin’ with no makeup on (Drake was on to something there…).

"I hate the idea of going to the bar and seeing people I haven’t seen since high school and pretending I give a shit about what they’re doing with their lives"


As an adult, life is so damn tiring. You wake up, rush to get ready for work, spend the entire day working at a job that probably doesn’t pay enough, come home, cook dinner, wash the dishes, shower, and it’s time to go to bed only to wake up in the morning and do it all over again. Even if you’re only working five days a week, most of the time your days off are busier and more stressful that your days on since you have to catch up on all the things you didn’t have time to do during your work week. The idea of using that valuable chill time to go out and spend more money that I don’t have when I could be at home unwinding from the week is out of the question.

Not to mention if you’re a student on top of that. You have your job (probably more than on if you plan on paying off your student loans in the next century), you have to tend to your home/friends/family, and you have all the homework and classes, too. There’s no way in hell I’m staying out until the crack of dawn getting smashed when I could be catching up on sleep that I missed out on throughout the week.

The worst part of this is that I’m constantly trying to make up lies to tell me friends when they call me and ask if I want to go out. I’m constantly pulling out the “too much homework,” “already in bed,” or “have to get up early in the morning” cards, and I’m running out of ideas. But that’s the thing: I shouldn’t have to lie—it’s exhausting! I should be able to tell my friends, “Hell no, I don’t want to go out,” and that shouldn’t upset them.

Yes, I’ll be the first to admit it: I’m a party pooper. On the rare occasion my friends do drag me out of the house, I get there, hang out for twenty minutes, and am ready to go back home. Because of this and the fact that it’s a serious struggle for my friends to talk me into leaving my dogs to go out, my friends are constantly begging me to go out with them, calling me lazy, telling me I’m no fun and, guess what, friends? I know, and I truly don’t give a damn!

"When you’re someone who has this syndrome, you’re probably also constantly being called all sorts of synonyms for “party pooper.”"


This is Grandma Syndrome. When you’re someone who has this syndrome, you’re probably also constantly being called all sorts of synonyms for “party pooper.” But I’m fine with that if it means catching up on my TV shows and drowning in a box of Cheez-Its. Go ahead and call me a party pooper. I’m sick of having to apologize to my friends for not wanting to go out. There’s absolutely no reason that you should have to say sorry for wanting to relax at home and try to feel like a human again since you’ve been a zombie all week long.

All in all, everyone is different. Just because I’m not the type of twenty-one-year-old who wants to be nocturnal on a Friday night and spend the entire next day sweaty and hungover doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with me. A wise friend once said to me, “Stop checking for grays, keep watching Grey’s.” Well, that’s exactly what I’ll be doing, and you can judge me all you want.
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Do You Really Trust Your Significant Other? Here Are 5 Signs You Might Not


It takes a boatload of things to make a relationship work: time, patience, the ability to compromise and so on. But most importantly, a relationship needs trust. Trust is the one thing that truly has the ability to instantly make or break a relationship. Whether your relationship is fresh and new or if you’ve been through the ringer together, it’s easy to say that you and your significant other trust each other. But when it comes down to it, do you really trust the person you’re sleeping next to at night?

Now, I’m not writing this to make you second guess the level of trust in your relationship (or your entire relationship as a whole), but it’s truly something that you need to be honest with yourself about. It might not be the easiest thing to admit but sometimes we want to validate our relationships to ourselves and to others. Saying that you and your significant other trust each other really makes it seem like it’s all rainbows and butterflies.

Like many other shitty relationship situations that many girls our age go through, you aren’t alone. Just take my past relationship situation, for example. It all started with a boy and a girl getting into a brand new relationship. We were young and it was fun, but as we grew up and life started to get more serious, we had to go through many new, adult experiences together. There were a serious test of trust to say the least.

We dated for over a year and as time went on, things got harder. Eventually we started arguing more, little things he did just pissed me off for no reason and eventually we ended things. But I knew deep down in my heart that since the first day of our relationship something was off.

You could say that our relationship might have even been doomed from the start because the sense of trust just wasn’t there. Whenever someone asked how we were, I’d lie and tell them everything was perfect. I never wanted to admit to others or even myself that there was an issue because I was comfortable with him and honestly, I didn’t want to be alone.

It was not until recently that I got into a relationship where there is security, compromise and, most importantly, trust, that I realized I was lying to myself for the entire year and a half that I dated my ex.

Looking back, these are some things that stick out to me now like a sore thumb in my past relationships.


1. You always feel the need to sneak a peek at their phone.


Not once was there an instance when I could be in my ex-boyfriend’s room with his phone while he was out of the room without sneaking a peek. I’d be sitting on his bed minding my own business and it would be on his dresser just staring at me, tempting me.

Whether it was checking his text messages, recent calls or voicemails, I had to check something. Yes, it gave me a slight sense of security when I didn’t find any dirt, but it also caused me to drive myself nuts. If he deleted all his messages, I instantly wondered what he had to hide. We would even get in fights when he would put a lock code on his phone because I felt like he just did it because there was something secretive inside that he didn’t want me to see.

In my current relationship not once have I ever felt the need to see what’s in his phone or even know his pass code for that matter. I love that he’s open with me about his phone. He never tries to hide his texts when he’s typing and because of that fact, I never feel the need to even peek over his shoulders.


2. Digging into their past relationships is like a second job.


Let me start off by saying, I knew everything about my ex’s exes. I knew where they were from, where they went to school, what they did in their spare time and even what they were good at in bed. He’d tell me about his “number” and immediately I wanted to know what their names were so I could go home and find them on social media to see what I was up against.

Sometimes he would casually mention his ex-girlfriends’ names like they still were friends so obviously I’d ask and he’d always beat around the bush. So I’d ask some more and before you knew it I’d be at home in bed scrolling through their Instagram pages.

In my current relationship, I honestly don’t even know what my boyfriends ex’s are named. I don’t know where they’re from or what they liked to do, all I know is that the past is the past. All we care about now is that we have each other.

3. You never want them going out with their friends without you.


I can’t even tell you how many times my ex-boyfriend said he wanted to go out with the guys and I’d be all naggy like “Noooo, stay here with me. Come onnnnn.” I realize now it wasn’t that I actually wanted him to stay at the house with me.. It’s more that I just didn’t want him to go out and make me sit home and wonder.

Oh, and how convenient was it that we were dating when he turned 21 and thought he was on top of the world? It was almost every night that he would go out drinking and every time I asked to go (obviously to supervise) it was “guys night” and “it would be weird if I went”. Can you say sketchy?

Now, in my current relationship, I encourage my boyfriend to go out with his friends. He’s responsible, trustworthy and caring and I know for a fact he wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt me.

4. You’re always second guessing when they tell you their whereabouts.


The second you receive that “gotta stay late at work” text, you are instantly on your shit trying to figure out if it’s the truth or not. Who called out? Did it get busy? What’s the deal?The fact that you have to take a second guess every time your significant other tells you the plans are changing is clearly not a good sign.

Right now, my boyfriend and I have no issue when we’re not physically together. When he tells me he’s out with the guys playing darts, I have no second guesses about if that’s really what he’s doing. It’s a great feeling not having to wrack your brain trying to figure out if your significant other is telling the truth about where he is.

5. Their social media activity almost always makes you curious.


Especially in our day and age when we’re posting our every move to Facebook and our every bite to Instagram, it only makes sense that eventually these social media platforms would create some sort of problem for modern relationships. In a trusting relationship, chances are social media doesn’t really matter. It’s more of just something to communicate with friends and family or watch stupid viral videos.

In a relationship where there may not be trust, social media probably drives you insane. Whether you see your significant other “liking” some girl’s Facebook status, double tapping someone’s Instagram photo, or retweeting their tweet, you almost immediately assume that there is something more than just innocent social media communication going on.

When it comes down to it, you should never have to feel like you’re fighting for your significant other. You are (or should be) the only one that has their attention. You should also never feel rushed or pressured. If you really trust your significant other, you know that they aren’t going anywhere. You aren’t in a rush to get things done with them because you know they’ll always be there by your side.
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Why Are Women So Afraid to Admit We Consider Ourselves Attractive?


At a normal Wednesday night dinner with my boyfriend last week, I got onto an interesting subject with him. We were discussing an app where girls get to rate guys on various aspects of being in a relationship. After checking out the app, a question popped into my head. I looked up at him and asked, “What would you rate yourself?” He answered and then posed the same question to me.

I was so surprised by the way that he answered the question that I didn’t expect this little, innocent question to make me dig so deep into my mind, but it did. When I answered, he was also surprised that I didn’t say a higher number. It got me to thinking: Why are we so afraid to admit we’re attractive?

This matter—especially with women—is one I definitely do not understand, but experience nonetheless. Women spend hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars each year to look and feel good, between makeup, salon appointments, new clothes, gym memberships, skincare, and so much more. How come even after all that, we’re still too afraid to admit that we’re pretty damn good looking?

Believe it or not, us regular, everyday gals aren’t the only ones who have an issue with feeling like a dime. In an interview with the TJ Show on Boston’s 103.3 AMP in July, singer and actress Selena Gomez rated herself a six or seven on the “hotness scale”. Now, I’m sure we can all come to a mutual agreement that Selena Gomez is probably one of the most stunning people out there.

The way I look at it, we’re all self-­conscious. We’ve all been called out or made fun of by someone at some time, and chances are it probably scarred us for life. I remember one of my ex’s told me I had weird teeth, and I still look in the mirror some days and want to stop smiling.

But, we have to take a second to stop and realize (as you’ve probably heard from your mom dozens of times) that the people who are making fun of you and calling you out are probably the most insecure people of all.

My point is: Of course you should be confident in yourself. We are all beautiful in some way, shape, or form. That said, we’re also all our own worst critic, so it’s understandable that we’d be hesitant to speak highly of ourselves. On the other hand, it’s also so easy to sound more cocky than confident when speaking even somewhat highly about yourself.

There’s a fine line between sounding like a spoiled little girl from some rich little town who gets everything handed to her and spends all her daddy’s money on spa treatments like it’s her job and sounding like a decent human being. The secret is to speak highly of yourself simply. Try to celebrate rather than to brag.

Of course, if you just spent hundreds of dollars to get your hair balayage­d and you want to walk around tossing and flipping your hair, more power to you, girl. Whatever makes you feel most confident in yourself should be fine with everyone else. Moral of the story: You shouldn’t have to be afraid to be confident in yourself and work what your mama gave you. Release your inner Beyoncé and don’t let anyone get in your way to feelin’ yourself.
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Why I’m Sick of Seeing #RelationshipGoals All Over the Internet


It’s basically inevitable that if you’re scrolling through your social media feeds—especially Tumblr or Instagram—that you’ll come across an image captioned #relationshipgoals. Believe it or not, there are social media accounts dedicated solely to posting images (there are currently over 1.2 million photos under the hashtag on Instagram) of cute couples who look like they’re living in a real life Disney movie and according to the hashtag, many people consider these “goals” for a future or current relationship.

From top to bottom of these feeds, these accounts post thousands of images of couples cuddling, kissing, grabbing asses, rolling around half-­naked in bed, smoking together, playing XBOX together, working out together or some in other super corny pose. I love the idea of striving to be in a great relationship, but these so-­called “relationship goals” are just out of hand in my opinion.

Two things that really grind my gears about this whole #relationshipgoals hashtag: 1) These couples and goals are (for the most part) unrealistic and 2) you have no idea about the actual relationship that these couples are in.

"You have no idea about the actual relationship that these couples are in."


The peculiar thing about all these images is that most of them include girls with long, wavy hair, perfect model bodies, and outfits that look like they just stepped out of a fashion magazine. And the guys? Obviously, all the males in the images are equipped with six­pack abs, perfect dental advertisement teeth, and perfectly groomed faces.

The fact that these images are basically just models rolling around in bed together is not what you should be basing your search for a relationship or judging your current relationship on. You should be looking for someone with a great personality, who can make you laugh and loves to be surrounded by you rather than someone who will grab your butt (only if it’s perfect though) and looks like he stepped out of a Calvin Klein advertisement. These should not be “goals”.

I know that nowadays it’s hard not to judge someone by their appearance. In many cases—with social media basically ruling our lives—someone’s appearance is all we get to see at first. While, of course, looks have something to do with our desire to be with a person, it shouldn’t be the only thing you base your relationship goals on.

No, I’m not knocking people who have goals to be in a great relationship. But many times, the couples in these photos may be living relationships that are, in fact, the opposite of the type you’d want to be in. At best, these couples could have just made up after an intense argument about lying or cheating and then decided to cuddle up in bed together. At worst, they could be a completely fabricated couple made to look happy by a photographer in the hopes of Instagram likes. If they are actually a real couple, one party could be constantly scared about not having trust in the other or the couple could be even in an abusive relationship.


"At best, these couples could have just made up after an intense argument about lying or cheating and then decided to cuddle up in bed together."


As you’ve all heard, you shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover. This just as well goes for judging relationships by what they put out for you to see. Just because these couples you see online look perfect doesn’t mean they are, and no relationship should be based off trying to model after someone else’s relationship(s). You should love someone and be with someone who you can create your own terms with and a relationship that is right should feel natural and never forced.

Seeing these images and obsessing over the couple goals you see online can also do wonders to break down your relationship. If you start seeing guys doing these super extravagant things, you might start to expect way too much. Of course, you deserve to be showered with love, gifts and attention but it can be hard in the real world for a man (or woman) to be perfect. You don’t want these insane expectations to cause you to overanalyze your relationship and make you wonder why your significant other doesn’t buy you new cars or take you on vacations across the world.

Just remember next time you scroll by someone’s #relationshipgoals post that every love is different and no couple drinking wine in a rose­-petal-filled hot tub or Abercrombie model dude holding a giant teddy bear should change that.
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Sure as Hell Signs That You’re Finally (Kind Of) an Adult


The high school to college transition is a big one. There’s a very clear difference about what’s changing—you’re moving out, you’re doing your own laundry, you’re no longer on a curfew. But when it comes to the college to real adult life transition, the lines are a bit blurrier.

It’s obviously a super confusing time in everyone’s lives. You’re looking for a big girl job, you’re not sure if it’s appropriate to ask your parents for money anymore, you don’t know which health insurance policy to choose. But, once you’ve crossed that line from college kid to a living and breathing adult, you’ll just know.

One of the first things that really made me stop and think “Holy shit. I think I’m finally an adult” was when I was redecorating my apartment, and the highlight of my week was buying a new trash can for the bathroom. It’s actually pretty pathetic when you think about it, but buying this trash can was awesome (it was a really cool trash can, you guys). I hated spending the money on something so boring and tedious, but it made me realize that I had been doing this whole adult thing and I didn’t even know it.

As soon as I got my own place and became somewhat of an adult, I found myself spending more money on candles and picture frames than anything else—tell me I’m not alone on this. Suddenly, I started to care more about how my house smelt and looked rather than spending that extra money on the newest Urban Decay lipstick. Ever since this slap in the face called adulthood, I’ve found myself in Target and Hobby Lobby every other day looking for new holiday decorations, cutting boards, seat cushions and other weird shit I never thought I would care about.

"I found myself spending more money on candles and picture frames than anything else"


Speaking of Target, Target is really every real adult’s version of heaven on Earth. Since now you’re a real adult and you have actual responsibilities like paying rent and all that fun stuff, the prices at Target are on point. I mean, have you ever seen anything greater than the $1 spot at Target?! No, the answer is no. Also, Target has the best in-house food brand ever—healthy, cheap and the chips don’t taste like cardboard.

One thing that really sucks about being an adult is that you have to actually try to watch what you eat now because it’s starting to catch up with you. I remember the good ol’ days being a teenager and eating McDonald’s at 2am on a weekly basis. Now it’s fruit, granola and salads or else you gain five pounds what seems like instantly. At least Target tries to make health food more interesting.

Remember when your parents tried to get you to eat healthy? You probably laughed in their face, but now you’re probably asking your parents for recipes. Unlike your teenage years when you parents were, ugh, such a hassle, now you actually enjoy being in their company. Whether it’s calling your mom to ask how much seasoning to put in her famous chicken or asking your dad for help putting together the stupid dresser you got from IKEA whose directions are basically in gibberish, spending time with your parents is no longer such a drag.

You finally see why your parents loved having alone time when you were a kid. Those days when they’d come home from work and take a nap on the couch all makes sense now. Now you see that every night when you clock out of work, it’s a race home.. only to melt into the couch and watch TV. Being an adult is tiring and every minute of your resting time is a miracle sent from heaven. You used to hate the idea of naps when you were a kid, but now taking a little cat nap on your lunch break or after you get home from work is basically the fuel you need to make it through your day. Naps are no laughing matter—they are a crucial part of being an adult.

"Now you see that every night when you clock out of work, it’s a race home.. only to melt into the couch and watch TV. "


In your spare time (not like you have much) when you aren’t rotting on the couch, you’re probably flipping through social media because that’s what us millennials do nowadays. But, when you reach that point where your news feed goes from funny cat videos to pregnancy announcements, engagement photos and invite to housewarming parties, you know you’re starting to reach adulthood. You’ve probably had this happen to you a few times where you see these celebrations on Facebook and have a mini panic attack because you haven’t even thought about what you’re going to eat for breakfast tomorrow never mind when you’re going to get married.

But, no worries. We all have to become an adult sometime. While many of the pieces to the adulthood puzzle hit you like a big yellow school bus (Mean Girls reference, duh) it will all come together for you soon enough. Pretty soon you’ll be a pro at adulthood and you’ll be giving your younger siblings or family members advice. It’s quite the interesting part of life, but it’s inevitable, so we might as well enjoy it (with a glass of wine and Netflix, obvs).
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Why Detoxing My Friend Circle Was the Best Thing I Ever Did


There comes a point in your life when you take a step back and think “Well, this is growing up.” For me, it usually happens when I find myself spending more money at Target on new plates than on clothes at Forever 21 but more recently, I’ve found myself coming to face-to-face with adulthood when thinking about my friend circle.

With social media coming to the forefront as I was graduating high school, I found myself more concerned with who “liked” my new Facebook photo and who didn’t. I was constantly analyzing every move of people whom I considered to be my “friends” on the Internet and was always paranoid about little details.

I’d see one of my friends like one of my other friends new photo, but not mine, and instantly I had thoughts running through my head like “She must be mad at me,” or “Oh gosh, what did I do to make her hate me?” I guess that’s just what social media does to us nowadays.

It’s also just in my nature since I’ve always been a people pleaser. Especially back in high school, when your friend circle basically defined you, I considered it oh-so-important to keep my clique in check.

It wasn’t until I moved back home from college, got my own place and entered a serious relationship that I realized I was being kind of completely ridiculous. I started to spend more time with the friends that gave a shit about me enough to ask how my day went (and actually care!) than those who would just ask me if I knew of a good, new face mask.

I can’t say that it was easy. There were many times when I gave into the petty drama and got upset when friends wouldn’t treat me as well as I treated them.

I had a little incident this summer where I realized that I really was better off without these faux friends. Someone whom I considered one of my best friends had a birthday party that I wasn’t invited to. I accidentally found out about it and was honestly so upset that someone I spent so much time trying to please didn’t care enough about me to even invite me to their biggest celebration of the year.

After sulking for a little while, I gave in to the devil on my shoulder and sent her a text message that went something along the lines of “Thanks for the invite tonight!” (because I’m a sarcastic, petty asshole, basically). She claimed that she figured I would just find out and go and basically that I didn’t necessarily need a personal invite.

Honestly, to me that sounded like a whole load of bullshit. I decided that at that moment I wasn’t going to let her get into my head anymore. I didn’t feel to continue the conversation and create more drama around the situation, but at the same time I didn’t want to let her back into my circle just like that. I simply decided that if I wasn’t worth her time, then dammit, she wasn’t worth mine.

Breaking up with a friend is basically the same as breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend. You’re always going to have memories that will make you laugh and smile, but when the effort isn’t there, is it really worth your time?

"Breaking up with a friend is basically the same as breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend. "


Of course, I still am at peace with this particular friend of mine. No, she isn’t someone I’ll be going out of my way to please, but I’ve learned to be adult enough to stop and catch up if I see her out-and-about.

After detoxing my friend circle, I instantly felt a weight lift off my shoulder. My incident with this friend caused me to step back and take a look at all the friendships that I have. Who really gives a shit about me and who’s just sticking around to come to my get togethers and receive a Christmas present for me?

It’s taught me that the key to lifelong friendships is quality over quantity. In high school having a huge friend circle might have meant you were the cool chick in town, but in the real world, having someone who will have your back means a whole lot more than anything else. Now, I only spend my time making the friends happy that try to do the same for me. Just like in any relationship, you should always get back what you’re putting in.
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How My Control Freak, Obsessive Personality Has Slowly Taken Over My Life





For as long as I can remember, I’ve been the type of person who wants everything to be perfect. And I know, there’s no such thing as perfect. but whatever. This makes life incredibly frustrating for someone who strives for perfection on a daily basis.

I like to say that I’m overly organized and always leading the pack. That’s probably because I won’t letanyone else lead the pack. In my mind, I always have to be the one who makes the decisions because to me, I’m the one who knows best. Decision making is one of my favorite things to do. Being someone who wants to control every aspect of her life to strive for it to be as perfect as possible, it’s all a matter of decision making and planning.

I think it all started with my love for school. Ever since I was young, I was the girl who always had her planner on her even if she didn’t have anything to write in it. I had a to-do list for every day of the week. I was the one you came to when you wanted to know what homework was due next week. I was always the one who lead the groups for projects. This all made me feel very important. Even after graduating high school, I loved the idea of having things planned out. Especially when you’re a freshman in college and have no idea where your life is headed. I tried to make my best four-year plan and stick to it to a T. Needless to say, things didn’t pan out the way I had planned.

Whenever things don’t go the way I plan them, this is when my anxiety starts to take over. I start to internally freak out and instantly my mind is racing for a way to get back onto my plan. I’ve come to realize that it can make it really difficult for people to enjoy being around me. Throughout all the years that I’ve been this control-freak striving for perfection, I didn’t really realize that it was an issue for others (and for my mental and physical health) until I got into my current relationship.

"Whenever things don’t go the way I plan them, this is when my anxiety starts to take over."


We moved in together in August of 2015, but instead of getting a separate place together, he moved into my apartment. I loved the idea of being surrounded by him all the time, but got nervous because in all honesty, I’ve gone through way too many roommates in my time. I was afraid that, because of my slightly obsessive personality, he may stray away. After he moved his things in, every day I started to find little things that would drive me nuts inside. Leaving a clothing tag on the dresser, an empty cup on the kitchen table, a razor on the bathroom sink—it all drove me into a mad cleaning frenzy whenever I’d see it.

I’d start by throwing away the tag on the dresser, then I’d notice that my dog chewed up a toy and there was fur by the trash. I’d vacuum it then only to realize the vacuum hadn’t been emptied in weeks. It would then turn into an entire day of me inspecting every inch of the house and making sure it was “perfect”. Luckily, I have a great guy who has learned to deal with my Type A personality.

But in my mind, it made sense for me to be this type of person. I have a full-time job, own a photography business, and am a freelance writer for multiple outlets. I needed to have a serious organizational system in my life to make sure things were getting completed when they were supposed to, which trickled down to even the smallest things. I needed to be controlling everything to make sure that I was on the path I had laid out for myself, even if that meant spending the extra hour or two cleaning or rearranging.

Because of this need for controlling everything, I’ve made my life pretty boring to avoid that anxiety. Even on my days off, I usually have a plan for what I’ll be doing by the hour. I have a really hard time just spending the day lounging around and taking things minute by minute, hour by hour because I need to know what I’m doing for the day or else my mind simply cannot rest. It’s honestly mentally exhausting. My mind simply never is allowed to take a break. This personality has taken a toll on many relationships that I’ve had as well whether it be with a boyfriend or friends. I’ve realized that I’m simply no fun to be around. I don’t drink (because being so out of it that I can’t control myself would never happen). I don’t smoke. I hate going to bars because I just get to watch everyone else be drunk and I sit and wonder why they enjoy it. I can’t remember the last time someone has invited me out to do something other than just grab lunch.

"My mind simply never is allowed to take a break."


With all that said, my obsessive personality has also done a great job at making me exhausted. Maybe it’s me taking on too many things at once, but this was all part of the plan, right? It had to be okay in the end. I can’t even concentrate on the simple things in life like enjoying a nice dinner or going bowling with my friends because I’m so worried about either getting home to finish a piece I have due in the morning or going to bed early so I’m getting exactly eight hours of sleep.

Whenever I’ve spoken to people about the fact that I hate being a perfectionist, they tend to laugh it off like I’m complaining about a problem that shouldn’t really be a problem. They’ll most likely come back with “how could you hate it? You’re always so organized!” While, yes, it’s true that organization is a good skill to possess, it also takes a lot of mental and physical work.

It’s taken me years to finally realize that this isn’t okay. I’ve made it my goal to try my best to take a step back and come to terms with the fact that I need to make time for the unexpected things to happen in my life. I need to take chances and go out with friends. I need to have fun and let go. It might sound like the easiest thing to do, but I’ve got a whole road of change ahead of me.
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Are Beauty Trends Even Right for You? Let’s Talk Beauty + Media


We’re all aware of the serious problem with unrealistic expectations being put on the forefront in the media. That’s a given. While many fashion companies are getting better, saying that they’re nixing retouching from their campaigns and hiring “plus-size” models to be the faces of their companies, media in the world of beauty seems to be at a standstill.

When was the last time that you saw a girl with a couple sunspots, maybe a little bit of redness or a pimple or two on her face in a magazine or on a billboard? Chances are you never have. It’s completely understandable that if a brand is selling foundation to help you achieve near-perfect skin they wouldn’t want to have any imperfections on the face of their models. At the same time, they need to be a bit more realistic.

Newsflash, beauty companies: People have pores. They have peach fuzz, they have texture on their skin. No matter how beautiful someone’s skin is, no one’s skin is perfect, but that’s exactly what we’re seeing in the beauty campaigns.

Let’s back it up a bit—back to a time when Kim Kardashian was the only one who contoured. What really got me thinking about this was an encounter that I had while working at Sephora. It all started whenAnastasia Beverly Hills released her Contour Kit. As soon as it sold out on Sephora shelves everywhere, other beauty companies started to see how mad people went over this whole “contouring and highlighting” thing that no one really knew how to achieve and within a few weeks, every single brand had a contour kit for sale.

Then, all the big beauty brands started to jump on the bandwagon. Sephora caught on and turned their stores into the new hubs of this insane new trend that was legit Taking. Over. Within a week, every single client that walked in the door wanted to know how to contour.


"Within a week, every single client that walked in the door wanted to know how to contour."


I loved teaching people how to change their face shape and create illusions that made their faces look “better” (at least in their minds). Everyone loved the way their faces looked with a little contouring and highlighting, but one girl walked in and changed my entire opinion on the trend.

She was gorgeous and had the most beautiful, pronounced cheekbones I had ever seen. Of course, she sat down in my chair and asked me to teach her how to contour. I honestly didn’t even know how to achieve what she wanted to with contouring because it looked like she had already contoured her cheekbones to perfection.

Long story short, I explained to her that she was literally the poster child for contouring. Of course, this didn’t satisfy her because she wanted to be on trend and add contouring into her routine.

After this moment, I’ve really started to take a different perspective on beauty trends. It made me realize that there are many people out there who don’t necessarily want to do something because it’s good forthem, but they want to take part in the trends so they can feel more like the girls in the campaigns.

It’s hard for women to accept themselves as beautiful in their own ways, but in reality we all should. Not to say that I’ve overcome this completely because I haven’t.

For example, after contouring had its big moment, all the sudden we started to see “strobing” all over Instagram and YouTube demonstrated by our favorite bloggers. As someone with oily skin, I hate the look of shine on my face. I like my skin to look as matte as possible because in my opinion, that’s when it looks it best. As soon as strobing came out, I found myself grabbing for my shimmery highlighters and “strobing” my entire face. I’d leave the house with a face full of shine—the exact opposite of what I normally like to see my skin looking like.

While it felt great to be up with the trend and all, I found myself trying to blot away the shine all day not even realizing that I’m the one who put it there. Purposely. It just seems so backwards, but because everyone else was doing it, I also felt the pressure to hop on the bandwagon—especially being a beauty writer.

"I found myself trying to blot away the shine all day not even realizing that I’m the one who put it there."


Of course, brands and influencers create trends for that just that reason: for them to be trends. They’re supposed to be something that everyone wants to try. But, I invite you to try this: Next time you’re debating on rocking a trendy beauty technique that you know isn’t right for you, take a second to think Is this trend keeping me my true self?

Also remember that the girls you see in the campaigns aren’t perfect. The graphic designers have photoshopped them to perfection but that’s not their true skin (pun intended). You should never feel like you’re flawed because you get a pimple or two or even if you have a full face of them (I can tell you all about how that feels). While it may seem like the hardest thing in the world, you can’t compare yourself to the people in these campaigns. People are real. Photoshop is not.
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4 Ways You Can Stay Fresh All Weekend At A Music Festival


From spring to fall, we’re blessed with some of the most epic music festivals in the world.

All around the United States, we’re planning insane weekends filled with lots of partying, incredible music and even better friends.

Most music festivals last the entire weekend, allowing you plenty of time to have a blast with friends, but also plenty of time to be outside sweating in the heat, smelling of alcohol and having your foundation straight melt off your face.

Believe it or not, there are ways you can stay fresh at your favorite music festival.

Take it from us, and follow these tips:

1. Choosing the right makeup is key.

If you’re someone who loves the whole full-coverage foundation, contour, bake, winged liner, heavy mascara, full face of makeup like you’re going to prom thing, you’ll probably hate yourself by the end of the night.

Opting for lightweight makeup will literally be the light of your life for the weekend. If you’re comfortable with it, avoiding foundation all together is probably your best option.

For those of us who can’t get down with a bare face, opting for a long-lasting foundation (like the Urban Decay All Nighter Liquid Foundation) or an super light tinted moisturizer (I dig the Laura Mercier Tinted Facial Moisturizer) is essential.

If you’re someone with more oily skin, it’s also important to set your makeup with a setting spray or setting powder (like Kat Von D’s new Lock-It Setting Powder) to keep your skin on point all night long.

2. The same goes for choosing the right wardrobe.

It’s really important to take into consideration the location and the weather of the festival you’re attending. Make sure to keep an eye on the weather a few days prior to help you plan out your outfit(s).

While looking stylish is always a main priority (trust me, I understand), comfort is also important, especially if you want to enjoy yourself. If the forecast says rainy, opt for a pair of rain boots.

Even if the forecast says sunny, opt for a pair of sneakers. Usually flip-flops aren’t the best way to roll, considering the ground conditions. (Plus, who wants their toes getting stepped on all weekend?).

To see the rest of this piece, check out EliteDaily now.
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4 Ways You Can Stay Fresh All Weekend At A Music Festival


From spring to fall, we’re blessed with some of the most epic music festivals in the world.

All around the United States, we’re planning insane weekends filled with lots of partying, incredible music and even better friends.

Most music festivals last the entire weekend, allowing you plenty of time to have a blast with friends, but also plenty of time to be outside sweating in the heat, smelling of alcohol and having your foundation straight melt off your face.

Believe it or not, there are ways you can stay fresh at your favorite music festival.

Take it from us, and follow these tips:

1. Choosing the right makeup is key.

If you’re someone who loves the whole full-coverage foundation, contour, bake, winged liner, heavy mascara, full face of makeup like you’re going to prom thing, you’ll probably hate yourself by the end of the night.

Opting for lightweight makeup will literally be the light of your life for the weekend. If you’re comfortable with it, avoiding foundation all together is probably your best option.

For those of us who can’t get down with a bare face, opting for a long-lasting foundation (like the Urban Decay All Nighter Liquid Foundation) or an super light tinted moisturizer (I dig the Laura Mercier Tinted Facial Moisturizer) is essential.

If you’re someone with more oily skin, it’s also important to set your makeup with a setting spray or setting powder (like Kat Von D’s new Lock-It Setting Powder) to keep your skin on point all night long.

2. The same goes for choosing the right wardrobe.

It’s really important to take into consideration the location and the weather of the festival you’re attending. Make sure to keep an eye on the weather a few days prior to help you plan out your outfit(s).

While looking stylish is always a main priority (trust me, I understand), comfort is also important, especially if you want to enjoy yourself. If the forecast says rainy, opt for a pair of rain boots.

Even if the forecast says sunny, opt for a pair of sneakers. Usually flip-flops aren’t the best way to roll, considering the ground conditions. (Plus, who wants their toes getting stepped on all weekend?).

To see the rest of this piece, check out EliteDaily now.
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6 Things You Need To Remind Yourself When Leaving A Bad Relationship


Unfortunately, not all relationships are meant to work out. Some are meant to teach us lessons, some are meant to make us stronger and others are meant to help us find ourselves.

They can’t — and won’t — always be perfect.

With that said, some of those no-so-perfect relationships might be heartbreaking, devastating and just bad in general.

No matter how good or bad your relationship might have been, leaving it can always be hard. As much as you may know it’s not meant to last, it’s still a huge life change. And any change can be a challenge to get used to and be happy with.

When you’re going back out into the big, bad world of being a single lady again, there are a few things you need to remind yourself that will make you feel a bit better about what you’re going through:

1. A relationship should make your life happier and easier.

No matter who broke up with whom, it’s hard to go through a breakup. Dealing with breaking someone else’s heart or having your own heart broken is difficult, but sometimes necessary. Remember there’s a reason you aren’t in that relationship anymore.

Many times, things just get too hard, too heated or too complicated. While it may be hard to say goodbye, sometimes it’s necessary, especially when a healthy relationship should be just that: healthy. It should be easy.

Being in a relationship should make your life happier. Your companion should add something positive to your life.

Sometimes, the bad starts to outweigh the good, and then it’s time for it to come to an end. It might be hard, but sometimes it’s for the best.

To read the rest of this piece, head over to EliteDaily now.

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6 Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Turn Your Summer Fling Into A LDR


For some reason, summer seems to be the most romantic of all the seasons.

Maybe it’s the great vibes we get from the freedom that summer brings. Maybe it’s the fact that there are endless possibilities of exciting events and parties to attend. Either way, there’s just something sexy in the air during the summer.

That being said, we’ve all experienced that one summer when you met someone you instantly hit it off with. The two of you spent the romantic summer nights cuddling by the fire, splashing each other in the pool and drinking margaritas on the beach.

For those three months of the warm sun beating on your skin, everything seems perfect. It’s almost as though time has stopped and you’re just being young, wild and free.

That is, until the weather starts to cool down and fall is upon you.

Then, you’re left with the big question: Where the hell is this summer romance headed? Especially when you and your summer fling live in different places.

You start to ask yourself whether or not this “relationship” is just that or if it’s just a summer fling. You might be someone who wants it to go further or you might have just been having fun.

When you’re faced with what seems like the question of the summer, there are a few things to consider that might make your decision to make your relationship into an official long-distance relationship or not a bit easier.
1. What kind of plans do you make together?

Think about the type of plans the two of you made together. Did you spend more time in groups or separately? Did he always want to be out drinking with a huge group of friends? Was he cool spending some downtime with you staying in for the night and enjoying a nice night of Netflix?

To me, it’s important that someone I’m about to enter a relationship with — especially if it would be long distance — will make time for just the two of us as well as balancing time with friends and hanging out as a group.

Click here to head over to EliteDaily to read the rest of this piece.
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How To Make Yourself A Priority If You’re Always In A Relationship


I’m the girl who always has a boyfriend. What usually goes down is this: I’ll be in a relationship for a while, things don’t work out, we end up separating and then I’m instantly on the search for a new dude.

I always had this idea in my mind that being single meant being sad and alone, and since I (obviously) never wanted to feel that way, it was always my mission to find someone to change that.

Obviously, that hadn’t worked out very well because I kept jumping intorelationships that clearly weren’t right for me. I only realized this after I’d gone through the ringer with said shitty relationship and ended up getting hurt. I was in a constant cycle of getting hurt, and then being temporarily happy.

It took me a while to finally break the cycle. When my ex and I broke up a few months back, I decided it was time to really focus on myself and make it my mission to have fun, get to know myself, travel, take chances and enjoy what life has to offer. I decided I wouldn’t look for a boyfriend. I’d just let things happen naturally.

There are a few things that helped down the road:

Reconnecting with friends helped.

I decided I was going to try my hardest to get all the family and friend relationships in my life in check first. I started to spend my time having Friday night card games with my family and heading out for nights of dancing with my closest friends, whom I had neglected during my past relationship. I did this to show them how much I really care about them and love being with them.

Being with these important people really helped me break the cycle because they filled the void of love and companionship I longed for. It made me realize that a friendship is just as valuable as a relationship, when it comes to support and encouragement.

Since I’m also someone who just wants to care for another person, I started to do this in my friendships, and because of this, my friendships have never been stronger and more valuable to me.

I also took the time to mend a connection with someone who was really important to me: my former best friend. After having a falling out and not speaking a word to each other for years, I knew in my heart that I couldn’t move forward in my life if I didn’t apologize to her and get all my feelings about our falling out on the table. Turns out she was feeling the same way, and again, our friendship has never been stronger.

Head over to EliteDaily to read the rest of this piece.
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The Difference Between Having Feelings and Respect When It Comes to a Hookup


Let’s start off with a little history. I’ll be the first to admit it: I’m a serial dater. I’m the girl who always has a boyfriend. I get into relationships that last for years. As soon as the relationship ends, it’s just another couple months before a new one blooms and then I’m there for a few more years. My friends sh*t on me constantly for it.

The second I get out of a relationship, I’m in full-on single girl mode. I’m counting down the minutes until Friday night, heading out for drinks with friends and tearing up the dance floor every chance I get. I turn into the ultimate single girl and the only thing on my mind is having fun and meeting new people.

The only issue is, I’m terrible at meeting new people. As soon as I’m out of a relationship, I head back to texting the same guys I know will be around and will give me the attention I’m craving. Even when I’m at the bar, I’ve never been the type of girl to introduce myself to potential suitors. I’ll wait for them to introduce themselves and when they don’t, I leave feeling defeated.

My boyfriend of almost two years and I just recently ended our relationship. I told myself that because I’m 22 and haven’t lived my life nearly to its full potential, that I’d stay single for at least the summer to experience being in my 20s independently.

Head over to EliteDaily to read the remainder of this piece.
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