Why Detoxing My Friend Circle Was the Best Thing I Ever Did
There comes a point in your life when you take a step back and think “Well, this is growing up.” For me, it usually happens when I find myself spending more money at Target on new plates than on clothes at Forever 21 but more recently, I’ve found myself coming to face-to-face with adulthood when thinking about my friend circle.
With social media coming to the forefront as I was graduating high school, I found myself more concerned with who “liked” my new Facebook photo and who didn’t. I was constantly analyzing every move of people whom I considered to be my “friends” on the Internet and was always paranoid about little details.
I’d see one of my friends like one of my other friends new photo, but not mine, and instantly I had thoughts running through my head like “She must be mad at me,” or “Oh gosh, what did I do to make her hate me?” I guess that’s just what social media does to us nowadays.
It’s also just in my nature since I’ve always been a people pleaser. Especially back in high school, when your friend circle basically defined you, I considered it oh-so-important to keep my clique in check.
It wasn’t until I moved back home from college, got my own place and entered a serious relationship that I realized I was being kind of completely ridiculous. I started to spend more time with the friends that gave a shit about me enough to ask how my day went (and actually care!) than those who would just ask me if I knew of a good, new face mask.
I can’t say that it was easy. There were many times when I gave into the petty drama and got upset when friends wouldn’t treat me as well as I treated them.
I had a little incident this summer where I realized that I really was better off without these faux friends. Someone whom I considered one of my best friends had a birthday party that I wasn’t invited to. I accidentally found out about it and was honestly so upset that someone I spent so much time trying to please didn’t care enough about me to even invite me to their biggest celebration of the year.
After sulking for a little while, I gave in to the devil on my shoulder and sent her a text message that went something along the lines of “Thanks for the invite tonight!” (because I’m a sarcastic, petty asshole, basically). She claimed that she figured I would just find out and go and basically that I didn’t necessarily need a personal invite.
Honestly, to me that sounded like a whole load of bullshit. I decided that at that moment I wasn’t going to let her get into my head anymore. I didn’t feel to continue the conversation and create more drama around the situation, but at the same time I didn’t want to let her back into my circle just like that. I simply decided that if I wasn’t worth her time, then dammit, she wasn’t worth mine.
Breaking up with a friend is basically the same as breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend. You’re always going to have memories that will make you laugh and smile, but when the effort isn’t there, is it really worth your time?
"Breaking up with a friend is basically the same as breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend. "
Of course, I still am at peace with this particular friend of mine. No, she isn’t someone I’ll be going out of my way to please, but I’ve learned to be adult enough to stop and catch up if I see her out-and-about.
After detoxing my friend circle, I instantly felt a weight lift off my shoulder. My incident with this friend caused me to step back and take a look at all the friendships that I have. Who really gives a shit about me and who’s just sticking around to come to my get togethers and receive a Christmas present for me?
It’s taught me that the key to lifelong friendships is quality over quantity. In high school having a huge friend circle might have meant you were the cool chick in town, but in the real world, having someone who will have your back means a whole lot more than anything else. Now, I only spend my time making the friends happy that try to do the same for me. Just like in any relationship, you should always get back what you’re putting in.
No comments
Post a Comment