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I Don’t Want Kids And I Really Don’t See What The Issue Is

Friday, July 29, 2016


In today’s world, it almost seems mandatory to have children. As soon as you get a serious boyfriend and/or are considering marriage, your relatives are instantly making eyes at you and popping the “When are you gonna have a baby?” question. That’s the thing, though. They ask when ​are you going to have a baby like it’s just expected.

Believe it or not, the sole purpose of being a woman is more than just being able to bear children. Sorry to break it to you, relatives, but each and every day the world is becoming more modern and not every woman wants to live her adult life caring after another human being (isn’t caring for a husband enough?). The millennial generation is constantly switching up the traditions and creating our own new traditions and, yes, that includes being an adult without a baby.

I remember the moment I told my mom there’s no way I want children. Of course, she brushes it off as me just being a young adult and not really knowing what I’m talking about. Whenever I bring up the subject with older friends and family, they instantly spit out the line, “Well, when you meet your husband that’ll all change.” While I’m not completely ruling out the idea, I honestly just can’t picture myself changing my mind.

I’m not sure exactly what brought me to this ultimate decision. Maybe it’s just a combination of all the things I’ve been surrounded by in my life. I grew up with great parents who love each other and treated me well, but it seems that I’m a minority when it comes to that fact. Between parents constantly getting divorced, stress, finances, and much, much more, I finally came to the conclusion that kids just aren’t in the cards for me.

Before I go into all the reasons that kids suck I’m all set on the whole “being a mother” thing, I just want to put a disclaimer out there. I completely understand that this is a touchy subject, but just realize that this is my decision and solely my opinion. To all the mothers out there rocking their role as mommy, more power to ya!

But, I honestly don’t understand the attraction to babies. Why do people think they’re so cute? Maybe I’m just a huge asshole, but I don’t even think babies are cute or cuddly whatsoever. And is it just me or do they all look the same? Honestly, I’ve maybe seen about like four or five somewhat adorable babies in my whole life. They’re all smiley and googley then, uh, there comes a mouth full of vomit and a full diaper. Especially when babies are just born, I seriously don’t understand the attraction. To be honest, it kind of just makes me cringe. Uck.


"Maybe I’m just a huge asshole, but I don’t even think babies are cute or cuddly whatsoever. "


On top of that, just thinking about a baby crying and whining and drooling and all those other nasty bodily functions that come out of children literally makes m​e​ want to vom.

The world is a terrible place right n​ow,​ I don’t want to imagine it when I’m ready to have kids. In, I’d say, the past 10 years, I’ve seen some seriously disturbing things on the news happening across the country and even down the street from me. It’s honestly a sad fact that you can’t even take your kid to the movies without feeling a little eerie and on the lookout. Between shootings, theft, and just all-around terrible things, the world is honestly a pretty shitty place to raise a child. Not to mention, the world is already so overpopulated.

Even the things beyond what we can control like disease and sickness risk have seriously risen in just the past ten years. Now just take today’s world and multiply it by 20 and just imagine. That’s what the world you’re bringing a child into may look like. Doesn’t sound like fun to me.

Also, having a child is just too damn expensive. Considering the fact that it’s almost $3 for a freakin’ bottle of water, I’m not even sure I want to know how much it costs to raise a child. I seriously cannot even fathom all the products you need to have when you’re a mother—diapers, baby clothes, food, cribs, diapers, stroller, toys, blankets, diapers. Did I mention diapers?

"I’m not even sure I want to know how much it costs to raise a child."


Oh, and I’m still paying my own college loans, never mind starting to save for someone else’s. You think college is expensive now? Wait until 2035 when it’s time for my kid to head off to start their higher education. I’d be drowning in bills. Plus, when I was growing up, we had a couple Bratz dolls and a password diary and called it a great day. Now kids are playing with iPads, iPhones, and expensive gaming systems. Talk about draining your bank account (that’s probably already non­-existent taking care of just yourself).

I can’t imagine having to be responsible for another human being. I can hardly manage my own life. Between juggling three jobs and trying to find time to breathe, eat, and shower (you know, life’s necessities) I can’t even fathom the thought of having to fit another human being’s needs into my day, as I hardly have time for my own. Not to mention, my bills aren’t even that serious now. I’d probably have to get a fourth job and a sugar daddy on the side to get by having a kid. I have two dogs right now and they’re just like kids in that I have to feed them and take them to the bathroom and whatnot, but you can leave them home alone and they don’t need clothes. Remind me why people have babies again? Dogs are just easier, you guys. Seriously.

The thought of having to be “perfect” all the time to set a good example, it’s exhausting. We all make mistakes, and I’d hate to have a child follow my mine. As a mother, you’re constantly teaching lessons and trying to show your child the way of life. But what if there’s something you don’t know how to handle? How do you show your child the right and wrong way? In today’s society, just looking at magazines and seeing people in the streets, you feel pressure to be perfect. I can’t imagine really having to enforce that perfection if I have a real person trying to learn from me.

"The thought of having to be “perfect” all the time to set a good example, it’s exhausting. "


In all honestly, I really think I’m too selfish to raise a child. I’m sure many of you are reading this calling me selfish and I’m here to confirm that for you. You have to be pretty selfless to raise a child. Call it immaturity or whatever you want, but I want to worry about myself and my puppies and no one else. Many moms I know don’t even have time to shower, let alone go get pampered once in a while. Call me egotistical, but I love to treat myself to a new lipstick or a fancy dinner once in awhile. I love what little freedom I have right now (being a dog mom and whatnot. I still have some responsibility) and I’m not sure I ever want to give it up. Sometimes a girl needs a night of silence to herself to drink a glass of wine and watch a few episodes of S​candal, ​okay?

All in all, I think some of us women just aren’t cut out for motherhood. I don’t think that means anything is necessarily wrong ​with us, we’re just traveling down different paths in life. We’re still just as womanly, strong and brave as mothers are, just in a different sense and there’s nothing wrong with that.
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Why It’s Okay to Struggle With ‘Grandma Syndrome’ When You’re in Your 20s


Picture a “normal” twenty-one year old—finally of legal drinking age, probably in college or living alone, has the freedom to do basically whatever the hell they want. Whether they’re in a state school that literally throws ragers every night of the week or even opted out of school to explore, chances are, when you’re in your 20s, you’re probably partying at least once a week. Well, that is, unless you have “Grandma Syndrome.”

A friend of mine actually brought the concept up to me and a light bulb immediately lit up in my head. She basically described my entire life with those two words. Also in her twenties, we bonded over the idea of staying at home baking cookies, cuddling with our dogs, and watching reruns of Law & Order rather than hitting the town, drinking until our livers can’t take anymore, and having to put a bra on.

Maybe it’s because I’ve never been one to drink, but I actually don’t really enjoy interacting with people that I couldn’t care less about. I hate the idea of going to the bar and seeing people I haven’t seen since high school and pretending I give a shit about what they’re doing with their lives (harsh, I know, but we’re all thinking it, right?). I hate paying $12 for a drink when I could spend that $12 on about three pints of Ben and Jerry’s. I hate having to get dressed up in skimpy little dresses and heels when I’d rather be home on my couch—sweatpants, hair tie, chillin’ with no makeup on (Drake was on to something there…).

"I hate the idea of going to the bar and seeing people I haven’t seen since high school and pretending I give a shit about what they’re doing with their lives"


As an adult, life is so damn tiring. You wake up, rush to get ready for work, spend the entire day working at a job that probably doesn’t pay enough, come home, cook dinner, wash the dishes, shower, and it’s time to go to bed only to wake up in the morning and do it all over again. Even if you’re only working five days a week, most of the time your days off are busier and more stressful that your days on since you have to catch up on all the things you didn’t have time to do during your work week. The idea of using that valuable chill time to go out and spend more money that I don’t have when I could be at home unwinding from the week is out of the question.

Not to mention if you’re a student on top of that. You have your job (probably more than on if you plan on paying off your student loans in the next century), you have to tend to your home/friends/family, and you have all the homework and classes, too. There’s no way in hell I’m staying out until the crack of dawn getting smashed when I could be catching up on sleep that I missed out on throughout the week.

The worst part of this is that I’m constantly trying to make up lies to tell me friends when they call me and ask if I want to go out. I’m constantly pulling out the “too much homework,” “already in bed,” or “have to get up early in the morning” cards, and I’m running out of ideas. But that’s the thing: I shouldn’t have to lie—it’s exhausting! I should be able to tell my friends, “Hell no, I don’t want to go out,” and that shouldn’t upset them.

Yes, I’ll be the first to admit it: I’m a party pooper. On the rare occasion my friends do drag me out of the house, I get there, hang out for twenty minutes, and am ready to go back home. Because of this and the fact that it’s a serious struggle for my friends to talk me into leaving my dogs to go out, my friends are constantly begging me to go out with them, calling me lazy, telling me I’m no fun and, guess what, friends? I know, and I truly don’t give a damn!

"When you’re someone who has this syndrome, you’re probably also constantly being called all sorts of synonyms for “party pooper.”"


This is Grandma Syndrome. When you’re someone who has this syndrome, you’re probably also constantly being called all sorts of synonyms for “party pooper.” But I’m fine with that if it means catching up on my TV shows and drowning in a box of Cheez-Its. Go ahead and call me a party pooper. I’m sick of having to apologize to my friends for not wanting to go out. There’s absolutely no reason that you should have to say sorry for wanting to relax at home and try to feel like a human again since you’ve been a zombie all week long.

All in all, everyone is different. Just because I’m not the type of twenty-one-year-old who wants to be nocturnal on a Friday night and spend the entire next day sweaty and hungover doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with me. A wise friend once said to me, “Stop checking for grays, keep watching Grey’s.” Well, that’s exactly what I’ll be doing, and you can judge me all you want.
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Do You Really Trust Your Significant Other? Here Are 5 Signs You Might Not


It takes a boatload of things to make a relationship work: time, patience, the ability to compromise and so on. But most importantly, a relationship needs trust. Trust is the one thing that truly has the ability to instantly make or break a relationship. Whether your relationship is fresh and new or if you’ve been through the ringer together, it’s easy to say that you and your significant other trust each other. But when it comes down to it, do you really trust the person you’re sleeping next to at night?

Now, I’m not writing this to make you second guess the level of trust in your relationship (or your entire relationship as a whole), but it’s truly something that you need to be honest with yourself about. It might not be the easiest thing to admit but sometimes we want to validate our relationships to ourselves and to others. Saying that you and your significant other trust each other really makes it seem like it’s all rainbows and butterflies.

Like many other shitty relationship situations that many girls our age go through, you aren’t alone. Just take my past relationship situation, for example. It all started with a boy and a girl getting into a brand new relationship. We were young and it was fun, but as we grew up and life started to get more serious, we had to go through many new, adult experiences together. There were a serious test of trust to say the least.

We dated for over a year and as time went on, things got harder. Eventually we started arguing more, little things he did just pissed me off for no reason and eventually we ended things. But I knew deep down in my heart that since the first day of our relationship something was off.

You could say that our relationship might have even been doomed from the start because the sense of trust just wasn’t there. Whenever someone asked how we were, I’d lie and tell them everything was perfect. I never wanted to admit to others or even myself that there was an issue because I was comfortable with him and honestly, I didn’t want to be alone.

It was not until recently that I got into a relationship where there is security, compromise and, most importantly, trust, that I realized I was lying to myself for the entire year and a half that I dated my ex.

Looking back, these are some things that stick out to me now like a sore thumb in my past relationships.


1. You always feel the need to sneak a peek at their phone.


Not once was there an instance when I could be in my ex-boyfriend’s room with his phone while he was out of the room without sneaking a peek. I’d be sitting on his bed minding my own business and it would be on his dresser just staring at me, tempting me.

Whether it was checking his text messages, recent calls or voicemails, I had to check something. Yes, it gave me a slight sense of security when I didn’t find any dirt, but it also caused me to drive myself nuts. If he deleted all his messages, I instantly wondered what he had to hide. We would even get in fights when he would put a lock code on his phone because I felt like he just did it because there was something secretive inside that he didn’t want me to see.

In my current relationship not once have I ever felt the need to see what’s in his phone or even know his pass code for that matter. I love that he’s open with me about his phone. He never tries to hide his texts when he’s typing and because of that fact, I never feel the need to even peek over his shoulders.


2. Digging into their past relationships is like a second job.


Let me start off by saying, I knew everything about my ex’s exes. I knew where they were from, where they went to school, what they did in their spare time and even what they were good at in bed. He’d tell me about his “number” and immediately I wanted to know what their names were so I could go home and find them on social media to see what I was up against.

Sometimes he would casually mention his ex-girlfriends’ names like they still were friends so obviously I’d ask and he’d always beat around the bush. So I’d ask some more and before you knew it I’d be at home in bed scrolling through their Instagram pages.

In my current relationship, I honestly don’t even know what my boyfriends ex’s are named. I don’t know where they’re from or what they liked to do, all I know is that the past is the past. All we care about now is that we have each other.

3. You never want them going out with their friends without you.


I can’t even tell you how many times my ex-boyfriend said he wanted to go out with the guys and I’d be all naggy like “Noooo, stay here with me. Come onnnnn.” I realize now it wasn’t that I actually wanted him to stay at the house with me.. It’s more that I just didn’t want him to go out and make me sit home and wonder.

Oh, and how convenient was it that we were dating when he turned 21 and thought he was on top of the world? It was almost every night that he would go out drinking and every time I asked to go (obviously to supervise) it was “guys night” and “it would be weird if I went”. Can you say sketchy?

Now, in my current relationship, I encourage my boyfriend to go out with his friends. He’s responsible, trustworthy and caring and I know for a fact he wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt me.

4. You’re always second guessing when they tell you their whereabouts.


The second you receive that “gotta stay late at work” text, you are instantly on your shit trying to figure out if it’s the truth or not. Who called out? Did it get busy? What’s the deal?The fact that you have to take a second guess every time your significant other tells you the plans are changing is clearly not a good sign.

Right now, my boyfriend and I have no issue when we’re not physically together. When he tells me he’s out with the guys playing darts, I have no second guesses about if that’s really what he’s doing. It’s a great feeling not having to wrack your brain trying to figure out if your significant other is telling the truth about where he is.

5. Their social media activity almost always makes you curious.


Especially in our day and age when we’re posting our every move to Facebook and our every bite to Instagram, it only makes sense that eventually these social media platforms would create some sort of problem for modern relationships. In a trusting relationship, chances are social media doesn’t really matter. It’s more of just something to communicate with friends and family or watch stupid viral videos.

In a relationship where there may not be trust, social media probably drives you insane. Whether you see your significant other “liking” some girl’s Facebook status, double tapping someone’s Instagram photo, or retweeting their tweet, you almost immediately assume that there is something more than just innocent social media communication going on.

When it comes down to it, you should never have to feel like you’re fighting for your significant other. You are (or should be) the only one that has their attention. You should also never feel rushed or pressured. If you really trust your significant other, you know that they aren’t going anywhere. You aren’t in a rush to get things done with them because you know they’ll always be there by your side.
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Why Are Women So Afraid to Admit We Consider Ourselves Attractive?


At a normal Wednesday night dinner with my boyfriend last week, I got onto an interesting subject with him. We were discussing an app where girls get to rate guys on various aspects of being in a relationship. After checking out the app, a question popped into my head. I looked up at him and asked, “What would you rate yourself?” He answered and then posed the same question to me.

I was so surprised by the way that he answered the question that I didn’t expect this little, innocent question to make me dig so deep into my mind, but it did. When I answered, he was also surprised that I didn’t say a higher number. It got me to thinking: Why are we so afraid to admit we’re attractive?

This matter—especially with women—is one I definitely do not understand, but experience nonetheless. Women spend hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars each year to look and feel good, between makeup, salon appointments, new clothes, gym memberships, skincare, and so much more. How come even after all that, we’re still too afraid to admit that we’re pretty damn good looking?

Believe it or not, us regular, everyday gals aren’t the only ones who have an issue with feeling like a dime. In an interview with the TJ Show on Boston’s 103.3 AMP in July, singer and actress Selena Gomez rated herself a six or seven on the “hotness scale”. Now, I’m sure we can all come to a mutual agreement that Selena Gomez is probably one of the most stunning people out there.

The way I look at it, we’re all self-­conscious. We’ve all been called out or made fun of by someone at some time, and chances are it probably scarred us for life. I remember one of my ex’s told me I had weird teeth, and I still look in the mirror some days and want to stop smiling.

But, we have to take a second to stop and realize (as you’ve probably heard from your mom dozens of times) that the people who are making fun of you and calling you out are probably the most insecure people of all.

My point is: Of course you should be confident in yourself. We are all beautiful in some way, shape, or form. That said, we’re also all our own worst critic, so it’s understandable that we’d be hesitant to speak highly of ourselves. On the other hand, it’s also so easy to sound more cocky than confident when speaking even somewhat highly about yourself.

There’s a fine line between sounding like a spoiled little girl from some rich little town who gets everything handed to her and spends all her daddy’s money on spa treatments like it’s her job and sounding like a decent human being. The secret is to speak highly of yourself simply. Try to celebrate rather than to brag.

Of course, if you just spent hundreds of dollars to get your hair balayage­d and you want to walk around tossing and flipping your hair, more power to you, girl. Whatever makes you feel most confident in yourself should be fine with everyone else. Moral of the story: You shouldn’t have to be afraid to be confident in yourself and work what your mama gave you. Release your inner Beyoncé and don’t let anyone get in your way to feelin’ yourself.
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Why I’m Sick of Seeing #RelationshipGoals All Over the Internet


It’s basically inevitable that if you’re scrolling through your social media feeds—especially Tumblr or Instagram—that you’ll come across an image captioned #relationshipgoals. Believe it or not, there are social media accounts dedicated solely to posting images (there are currently over 1.2 million photos under the hashtag on Instagram) of cute couples who look like they’re living in a real life Disney movie and according to the hashtag, many people consider these “goals” for a future or current relationship.

From top to bottom of these feeds, these accounts post thousands of images of couples cuddling, kissing, grabbing asses, rolling around half-­naked in bed, smoking together, playing XBOX together, working out together or some in other super corny pose. I love the idea of striving to be in a great relationship, but these so-­called “relationship goals” are just out of hand in my opinion.

Two things that really grind my gears about this whole #relationshipgoals hashtag: 1) These couples and goals are (for the most part) unrealistic and 2) you have no idea about the actual relationship that these couples are in.

"You have no idea about the actual relationship that these couples are in."


The peculiar thing about all these images is that most of them include girls with long, wavy hair, perfect model bodies, and outfits that look like they just stepped out of a fashion magazine. And the guys? Obviously, all the males in the images are equipped with six­pack abs, perfect dental advertisement teeth, and perfectly groomed faces.

The fact that these images are basically just models rolling around in bed together is not what you should be basing your search for a relationship or judging your current relationship on. You should be looking for someone with a great personality, who can make you laugh and loves to be surrounded by you rather than someone who will grab your butt (only if it’s perfect though) and looks like he stepped out of a Calvin Klein advertisement. These should not be “goals”.

I know that nowadays it’s hard not to judge someone by their appearance. In many cases—with social media basically ruling our lives—someone’s appearance is all we get to see at first. While, of course, looks have something to do with our desire to be with a person, it shouldn’t be the only thing you base your relationship goals on.

No, I’m not knocking people who have goals to be in a great relationship. But many times, the couples in these photos may be living relationships that are, in fact, the opposite of the type you’d want to be in. At best, these couples could have just made up after an intense argument about lying or cheating and then decided to cuddle up in bed together. At worst, they could be a completely fabricated couple made to look happy by a photographer in the hopes of Instagram likes. If they are actually a real couple, one party could be constantly scared about not having trust in the other or the couple could be even in an abusive relationship.


"At best, these couples could have just made up after an intense argument about lying or cheating and then decided to cuddle up in bed together."


As you’ve all heard, you shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover. This just as well goes for judging relationships by what they put out for you to see. Just because these couples you see online look perfect doesn’t mean they are, and no relationship should be based off trying to model after someone else’s relationship(s). You should love someone and be with someone who you can create your own terms with and a relationship that is right should feel natural and never forced.

Seeing these images and obsessing over the couple goals you see online can also do wonders to break down your relationship. If you start seeing guys doing these super extravagant things, you might start to expect way too much. Of course, you deserve to be showered with love, gifts and attention but it can be hard in the real world for a man (or woman) to be perfect. You don’t want these insane expectations to cause you to overanalyze your relationship and make you wonder why your significant other doesn’t buy you new cars or take you on vacations across the world.

Just remember next time you scroll by someone’s #relationshipgoals post that every love is different and no couple drinking wine in a rose­-petal-filled hot tub or Abercrombie model dude holding a giant teddy bear should change that.
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